sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
