I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
