I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
