apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This baby is an asshole
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
