How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
