The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
