no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
