Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
