Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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