i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
