Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
