please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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