Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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