You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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