Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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