i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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