38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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