I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
