we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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