do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
