Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
