He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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