somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
