it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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