i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You ruined the universe
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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