He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
