Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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