Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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