As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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