Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am one with the molecules
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
