Please, let me fuck your mom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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