Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
