Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
