Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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