I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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