bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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