loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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