My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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