u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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