It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
