i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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