so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
false alarm. still invincible.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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