I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
