Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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