my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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