He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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