The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
