Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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