I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
