office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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